Whoever says that “It’ll get better” to a mom of a toddler (or multiple toddlers) must be delusional. Or lying (to themselves as well). Or possibly just forgetful. Okay, so they learn to talk and do things for themselves. But don’t they also learn to talk back? And be purposefully defiant?

So yeah, while I haven’t had the pleasure of being a mom to a teenager yet (Lord help me when I am), I have decided that I’m definitely not cut out to being a mom to a preschooler. Mainly for this reason: You can’t take things away from them. Or, more accurately, you’d have to stick them in a padded room with nothing in it for punishment, and even then they’d learn they could just run around and bounce off the wall and it’d be fun.

I mean, seriously. They aren’t listening, so you threaten them with timeout. Except for they have this AMAZING thing called an imagination now. So where time-out when they were three was a perfect consequence, now it’s filled with the really cool things that an almost-5-year-old can think of while sitting on a mat. And sending to their room? Forget it. The room has books. Toys. And should they actually listen to the rules and sit on their bed? Guess what? A bed bounces. And they can fall back onto it and that’s a LOT of fun. Oh, and don’t forget that should you take away the toy they just hit their brother over with, along with EVERY OTHER TOY THEY OWN, they will surely find a box. Or a shoe. Or a piece of paper. And all of a sudden they have a new amazing toy which is just as good as the ones that you actually spent money on (in their mind). It DOES. NO. GOOD.

At least you can take the keys to the surly teenager’s car, turn off their cell phone, and unplug the computer. You just then have to deal with the consequences…