When you first get pregnant, every one tells you about what to expect. From night feedings, to first milestones, someone somewhere has advice. Often conflicting advice, but advice none-the-less.

Then as your baby starts to crawl, you are educated on the dangers of baby-proofing the house. They warn you about marbles, small legos, delicate objects placed precariously on a counter just in arms reach… They warn you about doors and stairs and wobbly old chairs.

And then your child gets older. They warn you about the “terrible twos” and the “trying threes” and tantrums, time out, 1-2-3 magic, Love and Logic, and a hundred other parenting styles.

What no one EVER tells you about is how sneaky they can be.

So here are some lessons for you:

1) They can climb. And if a window is open, they will start to play with the screen as if plotting an escape.

2) They like to copy each other. If you have more than one? Good luck.

3) They look cute an innocent. But really they’re plotting against you. Don’t let the sweet faces (and dresses courtesy of an amazing neighbor) fool you.

4) If there is an object to help them gain a height advantage, they will use it. Not only that, but they will pick it up, carry it halfway across the room, place it in the perfect location, and then retrieve the Wii remote that they’ve wanted all day.

5) If you pin daddy down and get him to hold one child, the other two can then jump in and try to steal the items they wanted. All objects are fair game. A chair leg. A daddy leg. A box on the floor. Doesn’t matter. If it adds height, it’s worth the risk.

I’m sure I’ll have an addendum as they learn to coordinate more effectively and become a force to be reckoned with.

Signing off while I’m still in charge and haven’t been overthrown by the horde.